Springing Cleaning : A Life Edit

Spring cleaning is part of Chinese New Year - out with the old, in with the new. This year it feels different because I'm not just clearing space for good fortune, I'm preparing to move and I don't know yet where I'll be living.

I never knew how much stuff I had until now.

Because of the ample amount of storage space and my compulsive organization of everything - from color coding my wardrobe to organizing screws and nails according to type and size in perfect compartments - everything looks absolutely perfect except there is no daily use for them.

I realized that I bought stuff on a "just in case" basis. The fear of scarcity. The concept that I would be saving time by not having to go out to get stuff. Crazy stuff - like a spare shower head and hose, hinges for doors. This spans into everything including craft items and even sticky tape.

This came from being raised with nothing where everything was treasured. I was born in the 70s and even drawing paper was scarce. So I enjoyed collecting stationery and now I have an entire study filled with craft paper, drawing paper, wrapping paper and several hundred coloring pens. I bought things in bulk because I had the luxury of not having to choose - when I liked a pen, I bought it in every color and took joy from looking at them in neat organized pen holders.

The same "not enoughness" carried over into how I parented my two children. I was crazy into toys for both of them because when I was little, I was never allowed to buy any toys, not even a board game. I so envied my friends and neighbors who had Monopoly or a Barbie doll. I loved doing art when I was young and getting a new box of color pencils was a highlight.

So now I realize that I had made up my entire identity with the concept that I have stuff and what I had around me defined who I was.

This idea crept in slowly - without me noticing - into how I live. How everything has to have a perfect place. How my living room had to be picture perfect as if I lived in a showroom. And let's not even get me started on festive decorations.

I realized that because I grew up with nothing, I had grown to identify myself with things.

We all have to face who we are by starting with what is around us - does it truly matter?

Because I would choose to hold onto the memories that will be passed down to my children and not the collection of handbags or shoes I have acquired. It is at this point of choice that I have learnt to look at myself clearly, laugh about it after the tears have fallen because letting go is hard.

Hard to admit to myself that I might have been foolish. Hard to admit that I have to step away from who I knew myself to be to who I have to become so that I can redefine my next chapter.

Life circumstances change and if I do not release my idea of what my ideal self is, I would only make going forward hard for myself.

Moving forward this year as I begin my spring clean and edit of what I own but do not use or need, my heart twinges a little when I have to set aside the blessings I own to give or sell.

I didn't realize it would be this hard. Not because I'm losing things, but because I'm seeing clearly for the first time what I've been holding onto and why.

Understanding that we are not our things - that is the passage I'm walking through now.

What about you?

What have you found yourself holding onto or collecting that you realize doesn't truly define who you are? Is it the perfect home, the curated wardrobe, the achievement badges we display?

I'd love to hear what you've discovered about yourself when life asked you to let go. Share in the comments - sometimes naming what we've been carrying is the first step to setting it down.

With a Quiet Heart & a Quiet Mind,

Arora